I'm Back!

And I survived…wa-hoo!!  As y’all know, 2 weeks ago was Merrie Monarch week and this is the second year I survived the chaos.  It was weird.  I was calm and at peace which is surprising because what control freak is calm and at peace when her world is turned upside down?

My goal was to document the week and few days of Merrie Monarch chaos but I totally blew it.  Half the time my camera was missing and to be honest, I totally spaced it.  That and the fact that tax day was right around the corner had me a little wigged out.  Hopefully I’ll be able to do a mini re-cap of MM week later.

I took last week to re-group myself and my house (haha!) but my brain is still…empty.  It kind of feels like I’m in the twilight zone so until I exit the zone, I’ll leave you with the little thoughts I do have and happenings of life…. 

` I wanted an Erin Condren planner but caveman (aka the Mister) who carves writings on rocks thought it was a waste of money (argh!).  I tried to tell him that it’s personalized and pretty and it can fit in my purse but no, caveman didn’t budge.  So I went to Wal-Mart and purchased a plain ‘ol ugly planner and guess what?  I can’t use it until July.  July.  What?

` I just used the word ‘purse’.  I never use that word for fear that I was getting old.  When I was younger I thought purses were for old ladies. 

` I have another project but the details deserve its own post.  Its coming this week because I’m so, so, SO excited about this one!  I almost fell out of my chair when it was talked about.

` I made enchiladas last night.  I’ve never had an enchilada in my life until last night.

Kona sunsets...love!

` I haven’t been home for a month (sad face).  And I have to wait 3 more weeks which makes me even sadder.  I wish it wasn’t such a long drive.  I guess they don’t call it The Big Island for nothing, huh?

` I found my new love: Honey Nut Chex. 

` I’m also currently obsessed with Mt. Dew in a can.  Yes in a can, not in a bottle.  Straight from the Mister’s mouth…”You’re weird!  It’s the same thing!”  No dear, it tastes totally different in a bottle.

` I’m super excited to do our family photos soon with Miss Connie Lou!

That’s all for now until I get back into the groove.  Have a great Tuesday!

Peace out!

Jenn.

Confess Sesh: My brain is a Big Roller-Coaster.

I just want the thinking to stop.  Is there an on/off switch somewhere in my brain?

This has been the only thing on my mind lately but I’ve been having a difficult time putting it into words.  I don’t want it to sound like a venting session.  I don’t want it to sound like I’m complaining.  And I certainly don’t want it to sound like I’m an ungrateful person (the B word). 

Where to start, where to start…

I guess I’ll start with this so-called ‘me’ time that everyone talks about.  ‘Me’ time?  What is that?  Haha!  I understand that I’m a mother and this ‘me’ time is put on the back burner.  The Mister’s work schedule is all over the place.  If he’s not working on land then he’s working out on the ocean.  I’ve come to terms with this and decided to create my own ‘me’ time.  If I can’t get out for a couple of hours by myself then I’ll just have to make do with what I have.  I got into crafting and I even got my sewing machine out that’s been sitting in the box forever.  I even got the Radicals into crafting!  Awesome, so what’s the issue now?

More thinking…I can’t pinpoint when or how this came about but I was thinking how the Radicals don’t get out and socialize ever.  We have no friends or family here.  I posted my goals in January and making friends was one of them.  To be honest, I am discouraged because the people I come across are not welcoming at all.  It’s either they’re not welcoming or they look at me like I’m crazy.  Akward. 

And then I think that maybe the issue is me.  When did I become so anti-social?  Or when I do have the opportunity to socialize, I’m like a deer in headlights.  I don’t know but this is really killing me; for the Radicals sake.  It’s always just the 3 of us.  I feel like I’m the one holding them back from socializing.  I feel like I’m supposed to push aside my issues.  But what am I supposed to do?  I can’t force people to be friends with us.  I can’t force people to talk to me.  I suppose I can get past feeling discouraged and keep searching.  Would that be stalker-ish? 

Anyway, I was on FB a couple of weeks ago and one of my friends started a mom group in Kona and my heart sank.  I want to be a part of a mom group and I want the Radicals to have friends but Kona is 2.5 hours away.  But then I got to thinking that I should search for mom groups where I live.  Nada, nothing, zilch. 

On to more thinking.  If only….if only we moved home, I wouldn’t have these issues.  The Radicals would be surrounded by family and friends and I wouldn’t feel guilty of holding them back on socializing.  If only we were home, I would have some adult interaction.  I need adult interaction because in all honesty, most times I feel lonely.  Don’t get me wrong, I love to hang out with my Radicals but some adult interaction would save my sanity be nice. 

You know, I was doing fine with my thoughts until the Mister brought up a job he might have in Kona.  He thought I’d be excited because we would be there for the week but when I told him that if we were to go we wouldn’t be coming back, it was all downhill from there.  He’s thinking temporary and I’m thinking permanent. 

The root of all this thinking is this: I want to go home. 

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And the fact that the Mister walks away when I this conversation comes up, frustrates me.  Remember this post?  Maybe I had my chance and since I didn’t take it, it’s too late. 

The only person who has a life here is the Mister.  What could possibly be so important here that he’s not willing to take a chance? 

Up until now, I was able to keep these feelings bottled up and deal with it.  Now I’m back to square one.  I know I can change my way of thinking and how I look at things but after a lot of discouragement, it’s hard to pick myself back up.  And just to throw in another tidbit; it doesn’t help my mood when I get calls from family or friends saying they’re going to do this or that and if only we lived in Kona we would be a part of it.  Thanks guys…I was being sarcastic if you didn’t catch it. 

Is it horrible that I want my Radicals to grow up surrounded by family and friends?  Is it so horrible that I want to be happy too?  Has anybody else gone through this?  Is it just me and I think too much? 

And before y’all think that I’m a bitter old hag who does nothing but complain, I’m not.  For the most part, we’re okay.  It’s just that sometimes (like now) I get overwhelmed with my thinking. 

Then I turn to Him and pray for understanding.  I’m not as strong in my Faith as I’d like to be but I do believe that this is His way of telling me that it’s not time yet and to be patient.  His way of teaching me to open my heart to others instead of having my guard up all the time.  Like maybe these people are welcoming but I’m too busy anticipating the worst and judging them.  And then I’m okay. 

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Whew, sorry for the roller coaster ride.  Have a grand day!

Jenn.

Thoughts, Happenings, & a Valuable Lesson

I’ve been a bad blogger again.  The last time I posted was last week.  Ew.  I know I said I have a lot of posts in my drafts but the truth is it takes me forever to publish it.  It takes some time to read and edit and find upload pictures.  And then I remember something pertaining to the post which takes more time to edit because I want my post to make sense.  Anyway, moving on…

-          I can’t wait until tax season is over.  I keep asking myself if I should change my major.

-          It’s 1pm and we’re I’m still in pjs.  I live the glamorous life.

-          I whipped up a batch of blueberrie pancakes for the Radicals only to be told “YUCK mom!”  I should have known better.  They are simple little eaters and like plain pancakes.

-         This tube thing fell down the lint chute and I panicked.  I remembered my dear friend Goggle and to my surprise, I’m not the only one this has happened to.  Whew!  Just like I’m not the only mom who’s kid got a potty seat stuck on his head.

THIS...

...LED TO THIS!  It needed to be cleaned back there anyway.



-          I’m not the only one who wants Moose & Zee back.  I’m not too fond of NickJr’s new layout.

-          Radical #1 found these.  The Mister said that we could tame them since they were babies.  I caught one and then I felt bad taking it from its mother so I put it back.

They are so cute!

-          I know I’m late to the party but we got Skype!  Now the Radicals can Skype with their Ama and Papa.  Radical #2 needs some time to get used to it.  He runs away and hides or he’ll hide under the table and pop his head up once in a while.

-          The Radicals love the mo’o (gecko) that roam in our house.

He was telling the mo'o to stop running away.

-          The last time we had taco night, the Mister fried tortillas and it tasted just like a chalupa.  I was in heaven.  Well, last night we did taco night and I would have asked him how he made it but we were on day #2 of the silent treatment and I was being my stubborn self.  So my attempt resulted in a jacked up chalupa crunchy thing.  Lesson learned: do not do taco night while the silent treatment is in session.

That is all.  Have a grrrreat weekend!

Jenn.

A Piece of Advice to Myself.

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Remember in this post I said this “thing” is clinging to me and I couldn’t come up with a decent post?  Well, this “thing” is actually my emotions.  Lately, my heart has been heavy and my emotions are all over the creation.  They are coming from all angles and I’ve been trying to sort through them. 

I woke up yesterday determined to get it all out instead of keeping it bottled up and get it all out I did.  I released everything; I think I abused my keyboard and I also had a talk with one of the BFFs.  I felt better.  I felt like I could move forward with a fresh view. 

As I was out on the lanai this morning enjoying my coffee, I was reflecting on my emotions and how it affected my life for the past few weeks.  This is life and life isn’t always butterflies and rainbows.  I’m always going to have some type of issue and things are not always going to go my way.  I’ll come across somebody who will say or do something that pisses me off.  I get that but how I react is what needs to change.  I need to step back, gather my thoughts, and look at the big picture. 

Easier said than done, huh?  Yep, but the more I practice that the easier it’ll be.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m still human and I can guarantee you that in some cases, in the heat of the moment, I will let my emotions get the best of me but I’m human and we all do it.  What I’m saying is that I am aiming to be in a positive light for the most part. 

And then I had an epiphany. 

It hit me like a ton of coconuts and at that moment I said to myself out loud (at 6:30am, haha!) “Oh my gosh!  You sooooo need to practice what you preach!” 

All this time I’ve been giving advice to others about looking at the big picture, think before you speak, it’s not the end of the world, live your life and don’t let others bring you down, if you were to put your problems up on a tree alongside everyone else you’ll gladly take yours back, and blah, blah, and blah. 

Why is it so easy for me to give advice but so hard to take use it?  Don’t answer that…haha! 

Anyway, I am feeling a whole lot better and now I can move forward and get some shiz done.  Shiz meaning my work (which is piling up, sorry mom!).  And come to think of it, I have a lot of posts which have been sitting in my drafts.  Great, now I can post on a regular basis instead of going MIA all the time. 

Well lovelies, that’s all I got for now.  Have a lovely day!

Peace out!

Jenn.

Random Thursday

Did you know that I thought today was Monday?  Don’t know why I thought that. 

So this “thing” is still clinging to me so I thought I’d share some random thoughts buzzing around this ‘ol brain of mine.

` When did I become such a hoarder with boxes?  Any type of box: small, medium, large, cute.  I keep them.  All of them.

` Radical #1 is growing up so fast.  He’ll be 4 in a couple of months.  I’ll have a 4 year old.  Is that insane or what?  It’s also time to let him go…to pre-school.  Oh, the torture!

` Radical #2 has become attached to a stuffed bear which he named “Sophie”.  Sophie goes everywhere with him.  Also, Sophie is a ‘he’.  Hmmm…

` The ants go marching one by one….The more I hunt them down, the more they come and harass me.  I can’t stand them, especially the biting ones.  And they only bite me.

` It’s been cold here.  I’ve been in a jacket all day kind of cold.  Don’t ask me what the temperature is.  If you ask me how cold it is my answer will be “not bad”, “cold”, or “freezing my butt cold!”  And now that I’ve typed the word “cold” 6 times, I find it to be an odd word.  Fork is another odd word to me.

` There’s a strong FOUL smell coming from my neighbor’s house.  I can’t bring myself to type the thought that crossed my mind.  Let’s just say that he’s not the nicest person in the world; we’ve had confrontations a few times which resulted in calling the police.  One of those confrontations was him blocking me in my driveway with his jalopy truck and silently calling me out.  So based on that, you can form your own opinion on what I was thinking…

` My little {well, not so little anymore} brother proposed to his GF on Valentine’s Day.  It warmed my heart when he asked for my approval but I reminded him that he needs her father’s approval.  I’m so happy for him and my future SIL!!

` This has been his favorite thing to do lately.  He’s obsessed with umbrellas.  I set it up and he sits under it and eats his box of raisins while hanging out with Sophie.



yep, that would be a binky.  i have a post coming on that subject soon.



I hope y’all have a great day! 

Jenn.

P.S.  The weekend is almost here!!!  But I’m sure I’m not the only one who knows that.

The post about nothing...

I’ve been up since 3:30am and what do I do?  Read blogs all morning and now that the sun is shining its beautiful face; I’m kicking myself in the butt.  I was so not productive.  Not that reading blogs isn’t productive.  I learn a lot and the people are awesome.
  
I’m a bit behind on my challenge.  Challenge, what challenge?  A 21 day organizing challenge because this house has too much stuff!  But I don’t have the energy for that right now.  Speaking of challenges, I never posted about my 90 day challenge from last year.  Want to know why?  I haven’t started it yet.  Procrastinator.  I know, judge if you will. 

Wait, I’m a bit behind on everything.  This week has been a big blur.  The Mister has been off since Tuesday and to be honest, his presence is messing up my rotation.  What a bittersweet feeling I have when he has unexpected days off.  I love it because he’s home and the Radicals are super stoked but at the same time, I can’t stand it.  My day week has been totally thrown off.  All of a sudden I have no motivation to do what needs to be done.  Or when I do have the motivation, he has other plans that so do not go well with my plan.  I don’t know how to describe what I’m feeling.  I’m sure I’m just yapping away right now but I can’t help it.  I feel blank; like all the “plans” I had for this week went out the window.  And when I try to think of what those “plans” were, I got nada.  Seriously, when my days are thrown off, my mind turns to mush. 

I’ve been practicing the “my cup is half full” approach and I can kind of see the change.  Anyway, where was I going with this?  Oh yes, since The Mister has been home all week, he’s been outside working on his boat and of course the Radicals want to follow.  And right now I feel they are not old enough to be out there unattended so it is my duty to “play” outside with them.  Ugh.  This week is a busy “work” week and amongst all the other things that need to be done, my plan for playing outside was supposed to be slim. 

Anyway, haha!  What was my point?  See, I’m so scatter-brained that I keep rambling off…where was I?  Think Jenn…oh, no little time for playing outside and a mushy mind.  So since we’ve been in the yard all week I was thinking that I could work after the Radicals went to bed but that never happened.  This is the time I wish I had a laptop so I could take my work outside with me.  Note to self: need laptop asap.  And as for my mushy mind, I tend to have my “oh, I remember what I was supposed to do!” moment when I’m outside and by the time I get inside the house, I forget again.  I know I’m so lame but it happens.  Don’t’ hate me for it.  Can I still use “I have mommy brain” as an excuse? 

Back to this morning, I’ve been awake since 3:30am.  The Radicals kept getting up and after the millionth time I figured I would just stay up.  Before y’all think I’m nuts, I have good reasons: 1) I was getting more tired because every time I would drift back into lala land, one of them would get up and that was just kill fight already.  But of course, as soon as I’m wide awake, nobody decides to get up.  Typical.  And 2) I thought it would be a grand idea to get as much work in before the Radicals got up because once again, the Mister has a day off and we’ll be outside all day long.  I still need to do laundry and pack because we are going home-home for the weekend!  Can I get a woo-hoo?!  But I’m not ready and to my mother (if you’re reading this which I’m sure you’re probably not because you’re too busy working),  my work is not complete, therefore you will not be receiving it when I get home.

Whew, I needed to get that off of my chest.  Sometimes I feel that if I let it out, I can move forward with a fresh view.

That was my vent session for today the week.  Oh, did I tell you that I picked up some Lilikoi butter at the farmer’s market last week?  If I ruled the world, I would eat that and only that for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  On toast of course.  Y’all didn’t think I would just eat spoon-fulls of butter did you?



Have a happy day after hump day!!

jenn

Manners...ever heard of them?

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Or maybe it’s called common courtesy?  I don’t know but either way, some people need to learn it.  I’ve never came across so much people who don’t have manners or, um, common courtesy.  I’m not sure if y’all are going to agree with me.  This is just my opinion and feelings.

When I go into a store or an office and there’s someone walking in behind me or coming out, I hold the door open.  That’s just how I was raised.  That’s what I know.  But I’ve been seeing less of this and I’ve had one too many doors in my face that I want to scream. And most of these people are males! I mean, seriously?!  Did you not see me right behind you?  Oh no, I know you saw me because you looked back at me while walking in.  Would holding the door take up that much of your time?  I mean, we’re talking a millisecond.  Whatever.  Thanks a lot!

Or, another situation is when I’m coming out and the person (again, most times a male) coming in thinks I’m holding the door open for them.  Try let me get out of the door first and then I’ll be glad to hold the door open for you.  Or when I do hold the door open, the person either looks at me like I’m strange (ever heard of the phrase ‘thank you’?) or walks out like they’re the king or queen of Hawaii.  Like holding the door open for them is my job and I should be honored to be in their presence.  Pssht!  I’ll be happy to slam this door in yo’ face and knock some sense back into you because you are so not the king or queen of Hawaii!  Okay sorry, I wouldn’t say that but sometimes I think it. 

It’s just that this really bothers me.  I know I need to get over it. But before I get over it, here’s another example: Just the other day I was coming out of the doctor’s office with my radicals in tow when there was a couple coming in.  I could’ve been rude and acted like I didn’t see them so they had to move but I’m not rude like that.  So we move to the side and wait.  They can see us. His wife walks in.  He walks in.  The door closes and he looks back at me and then looks at the door.  I shit you not.  Again, seriously?!  I’m not saying that I need special treatment because I have kids.  But when I see someone with their hands full (of whatever it may be), I’m quick to hold the door open for them.   

It’s come to a point where I think I need anger management for this.  And you better believe that when my radicals get older and I see them do sh*t like that, they’ll get a slap in the head. Damn straight.  Or maybe I should take another look at my goals and practice some ‘patience’.  Does anyone else agree on the holding the door open thing?  Or do you disagree?  Feel free to share your take on it because I think I’m going nuts!

Until then,

jenn

Negative on Going Home, Overwhelmed with Thoughts, & a 2nd Birthday.

Shucks!  I was so looking forward to going home this weekend but duty calls so I guess I’ll get over it. 

Little Man #2 decided to do a rise and shine this morning at 3am.  Didn’t go back to sleep until 5am and then woke again at 7:45am.  Great, just great!  Since I've been up since 3am, I drank 8 cups of coffee and got half of my homework done.  So that’s a good thing, right?

I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed with all that is going through my brain that it went into shut down mode.  Could it be the reason for the lack of a clever blog post?  Boo!  Does anyone else go through that?  Please tell me you all do.  Anyway, my brain needs to come back soon because I’ve got a lot to do.  I can’t wait until my projects are done AND Little Man #2’s 2^nd birthday is right around the corner.  Okay, 2 months away but I know it’ll come in a blink of an eye!  I feel that his 1^st birthday wasn’t much of a celebration for him.  And it wasn’t as big as his brothers.  Not that I wanted it to be that big but I didn’t really go all out {in a small way} if that makes sense.  Anyway, I want to go all out even though it’s his 2^nd birthday so I’m thinking about a “beach party” theme but we’re not really at the beach?  I’ll have his little kiddo pool, a slip & slide, and the cute little sprinkler thingy my mom bought them.  I’m thinking of having it at the parental’s house since they have a nice grassy area that’s fenced in.  And since Little Man #2 loves to wander off like it’s nobody’s business I figure I can keep him locked up.  Okay, that didn’t sound too good but you get the picture right?

I found some cute cut outs for cupcake toppers, birthday banners, favor labels, and thank you tags for his theme.  I have so much ideas and things I want to do.  The Mister thinks I’m crazy because I’m going all out for his 2^nd birthday and the theme is “beach” but were not at the beach even though were surrounded by beaches.  Ugh, whatever!  And speaking of cupcakes, I’m going to try my hand at fondant.  Dun dun dun…I’m also thinking of shaping little “beach” animals to put on top of the cupcakes with the cupcake toppers.  Is that too much?  That’s my thought but we’ll see if it actually happens.

I know its 2 months away but I don’t want to be a complete stress head when the day rolls around so I’ll continue to plan now.

Did I tell you how I get warm and fuzzy when my kiddos hug each other?  Ah, the love.  They hug when they get up to say good morning, they hug when one is hurt, and they hug for reasons I’m not sure of most times.  I love it that they love giving hugs.  I love hugs too!  And of course my camera is not on hand to capture it even though it likes to play tricks on me...

I haven’t been posting pictures lately because my camera has had a mind of its own.  Sometimes it turns on or sometimes it doesn't.  Sometimes it'll show me what I'm taking pictures of but sometimes its not in the mood.  Little Man #2 dropped it during Father’s Day weekend and now it only cooperates when it feels like it.  So since my birthday is in 2 months too, I’ve been hinting to The Mister about the new camera I so need want.

That is all for now…TGIF!

Have a fabulous Friday!

jenn