Ready…Set…Go…

…with a Confess Sesh for your Monday!

  

Lovelies, I’ve been holding out on you. 

I mentioned in this post that other life changing things have been happening and I promised to give an update later.  Today is the “later” and I apologize for not doing it sooner but shoot, life has been hectic.  Gone are the days of taking 5 hours naps, wandering aimlessly in stores because I’m bored, or taking impromptu trips wherever and whenever just because I feel like it.  

Anyhoo, here it is in picture form thanks to Pinterest and Cia.

Photo by Connie Lou at islandbuzzy.com

And speaking of Pinterest, there are so many cute ways to document the bump!  I should get myself together pronto if I want to succeed at this documenting thing. 

So yes, right there above sits my confession.  And until I get myself together, here are some tidbits of what’s been happening so far:

` I’m at 10 weeks but it looks like I’m about 24 weeks.  Everyone is different right?

` Taco Bell and Pizza Hut are my best friends.

` You can’t trust me with your tub of Cookies & Cream ice cream.  I will dig out all the cookies and leave you with just the cream and microscopic particles of cookies.  Consider this your warning.

` I’m nauseated but trying not to think about it.

` I’m already wearing maternity clothes (GASP!).  Don’t worry; I’m just as shocked as you are.  And this time around, I'm being smart to not stretch out my regular clothes.

` Bursts of energy make an appearance when everyone is sleeping.  It’s not okay to vacuum at 1am.

` I can totally get away with throwing tantrums.  The Mister says “I’m sorry.  I forgot you’re pregnant and hormonal.”

`I’m slowly getting over the fact that Happy Hour is/has been no longer.  I realize that that sounds selfish but it’s the truth.

` I’m praying for the third time’s the charm….in the gender department.  I need a girl but overall, I’m praying for a healthy Radical to-be.

There you go.  

The beans are spilled.  

I have another appointment in 2 weeks and hopefully I’ll have the “bumpdates” going by that time.  

I’m hoping.  

I hope y’all have a great week!

Jenn.

Confess Sesh: My brain is a Big Roller-Coaster.

I just want the thinking to stop.  Is there an on/off switch somewhere in my brain?

This has been the only thing on my mind lately but I’ve been having a difficult time putting it into words.  I don’t want it to sound like a venting session.  I don’t want it to sound like I’m complaining.  And I certainly don’t want it to sound like I’m an ungrateful person (the B word). 

Where to start, where to start…

I guess I’ll start with this so-called ‘me’ time that everyone talks about.  ‘Me’ time?  What is that?  Haha!  I understand that I’m a mother and this ‘me’ time is put on the back burner.  The Mister’s work schedule is all over the place.  If he’s not working on land then he’s working out on the ocean.  I’ve come to terms with this and decided to create my own ‘me’ time.  If I can’t get out for a couple of hours by myself then I’ll just have to make do with what I have.  I got into crafting and I even got my sewing machine out that’s been sitting in the box forever.  I even got the Radicals into crafting!  Awesome, so what’s the issue now?

More thinking…I can’t pinpoint when or how this came about but I was thinking how the Radicals don’t get out and socialize ever.  We have no friends or family here.  I posted my goals in January and making friends was one of them.  To be honest, I am discouraged because the people I come across are not welcoming at all.  It’s either they’re not welcoming or they look at me like I’m crazy.  Akward. 

And then I think that maybe the issue is me.  When did I become so anti-social?  Or when I do have the opportunity to socialize, I’m like a deer in headlights.  I don’t know but this is really killing me; for the Radicals sake.  It’s always just the 3 of us.  I feel like I’m the one holding them back from socializing.  I feel like I’m supposed to push aside my issues.  But what am I supposed to do?  I can’t force people to be friends with us.  I can’t force people to talk to me.  I suppose I can get past feeling discouraged and keep searching.  Would that be stalker-ish? 

Anyway, I was on FB a couple of weeks ago and one of my friends started a mom group in Kona and my heart sank.  I want to be a part of a mom group and I want the Radicals to have friends but Kona is 2.5 hours away.  But then I got to thinking that I should search for mom groups where I live.  Nada, nothing, zilch. 

On to more thinking.  If only….if only we moved home, I wouldn’t have these issues.  The Radicals would be surrounded by family and friends and I wouldn’t feel guilty of holding them back on socializing.  If only we were home, I would have some adult interaction.  I need adult interaction because in all honesty, most times I feel lonely.  Don’t get me wrong, I love to hang out with my Radicals but some adult interaction would save my sanity be nice. 

You know, I was doing fine with my thoughts until the Mister brought up a job he might have in Kona.  He thought I’d be excited because we would be there for the week but when I told him that if we were to go we wouldn’t be coming back, it was all downhill from there.  He’s thinking temporary and I’m thinking permanent. 

The root of all this thinking is this: I want to go home. 

via

And the fact that the Mister walks away when I this conversation comes up, frustrates me.  Remember this post?  Maybe I had my chance and since I didn’t take it, it’s too late. 

The only person who has a life here is the Mister.  What could possibly be so important here that he’s not willing to take a chance? 

Up until now, I was able to keep these feelings bottled up and deal with it.  Now I’m back to square one.  I know I can change my way of thinking and how I look at things but after a lot of discouragement, it’s hard to pick myself back up.  And just to throw in another tidbit; it doesn’t help my mood when I get calls from family or friends saying they’re going to do this or that and if only we lived in Kona we would be a part of it.  Thanks guys…I was being sarcastic if you didn’t catch it. 

Is it horrible that I want my Radicals to grow up surrounded by family and friends?  Is it so horrible that I want to be happy too?  Has anybody else gone through this?  Is it just me and I think too much? 

And before y’all think that I’m a bitter old hag who does nothing but complain, I’m not.  For the most part, we’re okay.  It’s just that sometimes (like now) I get overwhelmed with my thinking. 

Then I turn to Him and pray for understanding.  I’m not as strong in my Faith as I’d like to be but I do believe that this is His way of telling me that it’s not time yet and to be patient.  His way of teaching me to open my heart to others instead of having my guard up all the time.  Like maybe these people are welcoming but I’m too busy anticipating the worst and judging them.  And then I’m okay. 

via

via

Whew, sorry for the roller coaster ride.  Have a grand day!

Jenn.

Confessions of a fisherman’s other half.

It’s that time again…

The Mister’s boat has been out of commission for the past few months and although I was enjoying it, I knew it would come to an end sooner than later.  And so, the time has come for overnight fishing trips to commence.  I knew it was coming; I just didn’t mentally prepare myself for it. 

I can handle day trips but when it comes to overnight trips, well that’s a different story.  I worry.  I have sleepless nights.  Sometimes I feel like calling him every hour just to see if he’s okay but I know that would annoy him.  It’s dark and while the rest of the world is sleeping, they are out there alone.  I say they because he knows I’d chop his balls off if he went alone.  I get paranoid at the fact that if anything was to go wrong, he is not in my reach.  I know I shouldn’t think that way but sometimes it gets the best of me. 

I know that the Mister knows what he’s doing.  I know he takes all the necessary precautions.  Mother Nature is who scares me.  Sometimes I wish I had a monitor so I could see him when he’s out on the ocean.  That would put me at ease, sort of. 

And other times, I wish he would get a different hobby.  Everyone wins in the end; he gives fish away to friends and family and sometimes he gets paid for it, which comes in handy.  If I could just figure out how to block these feelings, all will be well and I’d get some sleep. 

But never mind my feelings; it is what he loves to do and I need to support him.  I’ll just continue to pray for his safety.

Jenn.