It's Complicated - Part 1

I know, I know.  I said that my goal was to post more often and once again I’ve been mia.  Please forgive me for I have been battling spiders and breaking out in a rash since Sunday.  Spiders, ants, and little bug like insects that look like miniature prehistoric dinosaurs things.  My skin is crawling as I type this…yuckers.

I was going to post about how “it’s that time of year again!”  Meaning, we or more so I wreck shop this time of year.  But the more I thought about it, I decided that y’all would be confused as to why I hate wrecking shop in this house if I didn’t explain why I hate it so much.  I don’t want y’all to think that I’m anti-clean; I’m actually the opposite.  But our living situation is, well…complicated.  If you know the story then you will know I’m not crazy and that I really do dread cleaning this house and living here for the rest of my life.  So here it goes.  I’m spilling my guts.  Sometimes (normally when I’m cleaning) I’d ask myself how the heck did I get myself in this position.  Well…

via

How we got here…

It all started back in January 2005 when the company I used to work for moved me across the island to Hilo.  As much as I hated the idea and the company for making me move I didn’t have a choice.  It was literally “move or find another job.”  And it had to be the first choice because good jobs were hard to come by.  The notice of this move was ridiculous.  They gave me maybe 3 days at the most.  I was still in a shock and confused state when I got to my new location.  Anyway, I still had the lease at my apartment so I was kind of shit out of luck financially with finding a new place to live and still having to pay for my apartment back home.

The mister is from hilo so he jumped on the band wagon and said he was moving back home to him mom’s house since I had to move.  We were in our relationship just shy of a year and there was no way I was going to move in with them.  Even if we were together for ten years I wouldn’t move in.  I just don’t do well living with people.  So he told his mom about what my company schemed up for me and she’s all “oh, you can just stay here until you figure things out.”  Well, since I had such short notice of this whole shenanigan and I didn’t have anything together, I caved and decided to take her up on her offer.

I was making the drive from hilo to kona and back a lot.  I basically lived out of the trunk of my car.  I didn’t want to move all my stuff in because I wasn’t ready to face the reality that I was living in hilo-a place that I vowed I’d never live since I was a kid.  It’s like living on another planet.  The people, the environment, the lifestyle… was just different.  I hated it, my relationship with the mister was hitting a rough patch, and not to mention I was still trying to recover from the crappy and bizarre event that rocked my world back in January 2004.  Talk about one thing after another.

Anyway, instead of facing reality I hid from it.  I hid behind alcohol and partying.  I just didn’t want to deal with it.  I didn’t want to deal with life.  The alcohol made me forget about everything and it made me feel good despite the hangovers (haha).  It worked for a while but it caught up with me.  September 2005  rolled around and even though I didn’t see it at the time, what happened next was going to change my life forever.  I decided that I was going to go out (by myself) one night and ended up getting wasted, eventually ran into the mister while wasted, and got into the hugest fight ever.  About what?  I don’t know.  I ended up moving out the next day, lived at a hotel for a couple of days, and then moved in with a friend.  The mister and I called it quits for about a day, got back together under the condition that I was no longer allowed to consume alcohol (anger+alcohol=no bueno), but I thought living apart would do us some good.  Well that lasted about three weeks when we went out to dinner one night.  He told me that his mom asked if I could come home.  I ended up moving back to his mom’s house and a couple weeks (if I recall correctly) after that she asked us if we would take care of the house because she wanted to move to Moloka’i.  “huh?  Um, okay” is what I think I said.

In the beginning I thought this was going to be temporary.  And I guess I thought wrong because it’s been 6 years of living here and she still hasn’t come home.  To be totally honest, I don’t think she’s coming home because she moved out of Moloka’i last year but instead of moving home, she moved to O’ahu.  Hmph. 

Thanks for sticking with me friends!  I promise I’ll get to the point.  Stay tuned for part two! 

Have a HAPPY day!

jenn