Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Finding my Balance...

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I did it again-I took on more than I can handle.  Wait, I can handle it, I just need to find my balance first.  I’ve been meaning to post this a couple weeks ago but every time I attempted to write, I couldn’t find the right words.  I still haven’t found the right words but here it goes…

Although being a SAHM is the best job in the world, I’ve been feeling like I need something more.  Something that defines me.  I’m not just “mom” or the “gf”-I’m more than that.  And then I would get the question “what do you do?”  In the beginning I would answer with “oh, I’m a stay-at-home mom!”  Some reactions were pleasant and some were snarky.  After a while the snarky comments started to get to me and I constantly questioned myself.  But then I would come back to planet Earth and validate myself because this job is hard work.  Yeah, I may not be doing physical labor or stuck in an office all day but I am raising two little radicals.  It’s like one big emotional roller coaster ride.  My mind is constantly going, I’m always multi-tasking, and just the thought that I am responsible for them is overwhelming.

Fast forward a couple of years.  The radicals are now 2 and 3 and somewhat independent, meaning I don’t have to be in their face all the time.  The feeling of I need something that defines me has returned so I decide that now would be a good time to go back to school.  It turns out that going back to school was much more of a challenge than I thought but I managed.

A little back story before I go on about working with my mom…five or six years ago my mom and I started a bookkeeping business.  At the time I was already working full-time and going to school and that didn’t leave me with much time to take part in the business.  My mom carried on with it and my duties were put on hold until I could figure out how in the world I was going to add another twelve hours to my day (haha!).  Anyway, I dropped school (bad move) but work was still hectic.  I ended up losing my job in 2009, was depressed and wandering aimlessly for about a year, finally got my sh*t together in 2010, and here I am now….

okay, so back to finding my balance.

About four months after starting school my mom and I were talking about how this was a good time for me to start “working” the business.  Awesome!  I can do that and it wouldn’t hurt to start getting my “experience” in since I’m studying accounting right now.  Oh and, getting paid is a great perk!  The first client I had really tested my limits.  I was dying!  Not with the work itself but with trying to find time to work.  So I ended up sacrificing my sleep just to get this done.  I already sacrificed sleep for school and now for work so that equals no sleep very minimal sleep.  But I managed!  I sort of came up with a “schedule” and all was going to be okay.

Now, I have this big idea circulating the brain…as if I don’t have enough stuff to do right?  Anyway, I’m not telling what this big idea is-I’ll save that for when it becomes a reality.  But for now, what I can tell you is that it consumes my time and I’m only in the planning process (insert nervous laugh). 

So I have all this stuff going on and I’m feeling great about finding things that define me BUT I’m forgetting my number one priority: my family.  Ugh, that’s heartbreaking to see that in writing but it’s the truth.  This whole time I was so focused on finding me, being happy, being superwoman that I forgot the one thing, my family, which truly makes me happy.  Yeah, I can have all those things that define me but my family is my number one priority.  I have the privilege to be a SAHM and time is sure flying by so I want to cherish these years that I have with my radicals because one daaayyyy they won’t be so little anymore.

Did I find my balance?  Um, I’m getting there.  I’m learning to really question myself when an opportunity presents itself.  I’m learning to prioritize my things around my family, not my family around my things.  I’m learning to see reality and not think that there are 48 hours in one day.  I’m learning that in time my dreams and goals will happen but that time is not at this very moment.  Seeing my family happy makes me happy and everything else will fall in place when it’s time…

And now that I’ve blogged your eyeballs off, there you have it-why I’ve been mia once again.  i don’t know about you but I’ve been seeing a mia trend going on here.  I’m hoping to post more often because 1) I don’t to bore you with my long posts and 2) I got tons of stuff/tales/omg! moments/recipes waiting to embrace the pages of my little blog.

Happy Day Lovelies!!


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