Friday, May 4, 2012

How?

Happy Friday to you, friends!  Before you all roll your eyes at me because I said I was going to post my project and didn’t, know this: the reality of that project hit me and I’m not too thrilled with it anymore.  But I will post it later, nonetheless. 

And, I’ve been an emotional wreck all week.  I have the rash to prove it. 

I have been given the opportunity of a life time.  For me, an opportunity where there is no second chances.  It’s either I do it now or forever hold my peace. 

I was invited to participate in next year’s Merrie Monarch…the Olympics of Hula.  Haha, I read that somewhere but I don’t remember where.  This is big.  I haven’t danced in over 10 years and my Kumu called to say that he’s holding a spot for me if I want it.  What the what?  Heck yes I want it! 

What’s the catch?  Kumu is in Kona.  2.5 hours away. 

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If I didn’t have children, I’d make this decision in a heartbeat but since I do have children, it ain’t so easy.  So now the question becomes how am I going to do this. 

I spent all week going back and forth with the Mister trying to come up with some kind of plan to make this work.  But all plans involve separating my family for a year.  Am I willing to make that sacrifice?  I have mixed emotions. 

Doing this will involve the Radicals and I living in Kona for one half of the week and coming back to Hilo for the other half.  That’s a lot of driving every week for a whole year.  That’s a lot of time spent away from the Mister.  That kind of jacks up my rotation.  I have school and work to think about.  I have my Radicals to think about.  I told the Mister that I’m going to need his support, mentally and emotionally, if I do this because being separated (and all the darn driving!) is eventually going to take its toll.  I don’t want to be half way through this and all of a sudden one of us can’t handle it.  This is a big commitment. 

Another question is how is this going to affect the Radicals?  Will they be okay with their routine being messed up?  Will they be okay away from the Mister for half the week?  Will all the driving make them crazy?  With Radical #1 starting pre-school this year, how am I going to do this?  The Mister suggested that he stay here while me and Radical #2 go to Kona.  Yeah…no.  The Radicals are always together.  How will being apart affect them?  How will it affect me?  I always have both the Radicals with me and I’ve never spent a night away from them. 

I asked if we could move to Kona for a year.  He knows we can trade places; I can work and he can be a SAHD but then there’s this house.  What do we do about this house?  Sometimes (like now) the obligation we have to this house is overwhelming. 

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In the end, I’m asking myself would this be worth it.  Am I okay with turning my family’s world upside down for an opportunity that only benefits me?  Am I going to regret not doing it and am I going to sing the shoulda-coulda-woulda-but didn’t song? 

Gosh darn, lots to think about.  Decisions…decisions…being a grownup is hard. 

Anyone have any advice, thoughts, or suggestions.  Anything?

Have a great weekend!
Jenn.

1 comment:

Connie Haskell said...

Wow, Jenn...this is big! Funny thing is I am teetering on relocating to Oahu for a year, while uncle maintains our home here..tough, tough and I just want to do what is right. Okay, I'm not really helping you, am I? Oh yeah, and next year is the BIG one!! I say that dedication to an art or a sport or a dream always takes some sacrifice, but if you guys are in agreement, it will all be worth it! You should go for it! Remember it's usually the things that we didn't do that we regret in the end...oh..and I am ready anytime you guys are for pictures!