Tuesday, January 14, 2014

2014 Goals

Hello party people!  I know we’re in the 3rd week of January but this post is has been difficult for me to write.  My inner critic would come out during every attempt and remind me of my failures as a person and a parent, my on-going “to do” lists that has no check marks, and all the excuses as to why I didn’t get things done in a timely manner because of my big mouth and over-commitments.  And then I’d get all miserable and click on the big ol’ X.  But today I’m grabbing this bull by the balls horns and facing reality.

So my first goal is to be realistic.  I don’t have super powers.  There are 24 hours in a day, not 48 like I’ve been trying to convince myself in the past.  I need to remember that it’s okay to say “no” to things that don’t fit into my schedule rather than saying “yes” which usually sent me into a frenzied panic because I forgot that there are only 24 hours in a day.

Be MENTALLY present; the keyword being mentally.  It annoys me when I’m talking to someone and all they do is nod and say “uh-huh.”  I know they’re not really listening.  If I get annoyed I can only imagine how the Radicals and my loved ones feel.  This one goes with being realistic because I’m totally guilty of doing this to the Radicals when I’m in a time crunch. 

Plan ahead and get’r done.  With everything.  Everything?  Yes, everything.  If you’re like me, we wait until the very last minute to do things.  And because of this all hell breaks loose when go-time comes around.

But I’m not just talking about parties; I’m also talking about everyday tasks.  The funny thing is my reaction to it all.  I react as if my everyday tasks are something new.  I know Monday-Friday we have to be out the door by 6:45am.  I also know that Radical #1’s backpack and Radical #3’s daycare bag need to come with.  Do I prep the night before?  No and because I’m too busy prepping bags the morning of, I fail to wake the Radicals in a timely fashion and then they get the wrath because they’re not moving fast enough.  Do I like being the crazy banshee first thing in the morning yelling “put some gas in your ass!” or threatening “if you don’t hurry it up you’re walking to school!”  No.  Shoot, it ain’t their problem that I decided to wait until the last moment to do things.  I also realize that I’m the most horrible parent in the world for yelling “put some gas in your ass!” to my children.  I’m working on that.

Patience.  With everything we’ve been through last year, I’ve had zero patience for anything.  This year I’m striving for the patience to listen.  Stop and listen to what the Radicals are telling me whether it be a story, how their day went, or their endless questions about everything.  There was too much of “shhh,” “later,” or “hold on.”  There was no taking time to hear the excitement and joy as they would tell me something.  The patience to teach.  When the Radicals made a mistake, made a mess, or did something that wasn’t too my liking I was quick to yell and transform into Ugly Mom.  I was quick to say that they should know better.  But should they really know better?  No, because I should know better that they are just children.  Children don’t come out of the womb knowing how crack an egg without getting shells into the cake batter.  The patience to play and be in the moment.  I was so caught up with cleaning the house, doing the laundry, trying to check-off my “to do” list, and being angry and bitter with things that the Radicals had nothing to do with, I wasted precious time by “shooing” the Radicals away.  I want them to have happy memories, not memories of how cleaning, laundry, and the other nonsense came as priority.

Let it go.  Sometimes Most times I dwell on the judgments against me.  And most times they are ridiculous judgments and I allow them to eat at me.  I tell myself “if I change this or if I do that…” and then I get lost in an absurd conversation with myself.  Let it go.  I am who I am.  The 2nd thing to let go is negativity.  Negativity that creeps in and rains on my parade.  Normal people would be all “I’m sorry to hear that.”  Me?  I take it on as if it was my own problem and try to fix everything.  And then I get all irate because I can’t fix everything.  And the final thing to let go are things that don’t matter.  For example, the driver who threw his hands up at me because I was letting him go but since he was too busy road raging he couldn’t see me telling him to go and when he finally figured it out he was still all “WTH!?!”  Then I was all road raging “pay attention butt-munch!” When senseless things happen, I seriously need to let it go instead of wasting my time dwelling on it.

So there it is; my goals for 2014.  I’ve been working on it and I have to say life isn’t so tense.  And I ain’t going to lie, I’ve fallen off the wagon a few times but hey, I’m human.  Life isn’t always just butterflies and rainbows.  In those times I try to remember to breathe or sometimes I vent to myself (or others) just to let it out so I can move forward.

I hope y’all have a Happy Tuesday.  I’m off to do “Special Time” with Radical #2. 

Peace out!