A life, re-arranged.

It’s been a little over a year but yet sometimes it’s hard to process…to do…to deal with.

It’s been hard to put into words because I don’t want to sound like I’m whining or wanting people to feel sorry for me.  Because I’m not whining and I don’t want you to feel sorry for me.  To be quite honest, at first I wasn’t sure why I decided to put this out in the open but as I pondered my intention it became clear that I’m sharing because this can be lonely.  As a parent, you feel like nobody understands and everybody has something to say, which most times is negative.  You feel alone.  I want other mamas/parents to know that you’re not.

I’ve learned so much over the past 14 months and even though I’m pushed to the brink of insanity on a daily basis, this has had my eyes wide open.  It has been quite the journey and learning experience and I must say that I do see light at the end of the tunnel.

Y’all must be asking “wtf is she talking about?”  So I’ll just rewind to 4 years ago
and start from when the portals started to open but I was desperately trying to close them.  And keep them closed.

Radical #2 loved his pediatrician.  I never dreaded any doctor visits.  I didn’t over-analyze how the doctor moved to another building and had a completely new staff.  Radical #2’s name is called and we walk to the nurse’s station.  As soon as she comes to take his temperature he goes into a full-blown tantrum.  He went from a sweet little boy to demon child in 0.2 seconds.  The rest of the appointment was a complete nightmare – kicking and screaming, holding demon child down as if we’re about to perform an exorcism.  Radical #1 looked terrified and did I mention I was 6 months pregnant?

After his exorcism check-up, the doctor drops the bomb on me.  The doctor, ever so kindly, says that he’s referring me to a therapist to rule out the A-word, also known as Autism.  He goes on with how concerned he is with Radical #2’s behavior today and blah, blah, blah.  As if I wasn’t flustered enough? 

I was having hot flashes as I loaded the Radicals into the car and I just let it out.  I started to cry.  I wasn’t sure if it was my pregnancy hormones making me super emotional or if I was frustrated because my damn child is 3 and isn’t this normal 3-year-old behavior?  But then again, I ain’t no doctor so what the heck do I know. 

I blew his list of therapists off and went on with life.  I did however have the “let’s rule out the A-word” constantly lingering and found myself noticing Radical #2’s behavior.  But still, I’d push it aside and tell myself that we’d get through this.  It’s just a phase.  If I just buckle down and stop letting him get his way all the time, this too shall pass.  But for fuck’s sake I couldn’t take the screaming anymore and gave in to his demon behavior.  And also, I didn’t need the crazy neighbor next door calling CPS on me again.

10 months later we move thinking that if we’re closer to friends and family and we’d get out more things will change. His behavior was the same; sometimes worse.

With Radical #1 in school & Radical #3 in daycare I figured why not give this therapy a try.  We have nothing to lose.  I did learn, however, that I was a horrible mother and how I needed to follow through with consequences and spend more time with my children.  Okay, that’s not what she said but I did everything she told me to and everything was the same so after a while I dreaded going to therapy.  I just didn’t see the point anymore.  We succeeded in his sessions so now what?  We just keep doing this just to do it?  There was no progression, no back-up plan, no ‘what if this happens’ so we stopped going. 

I enrolled him in pre-school.  He did great.  There were no reports of demon-like behavior except once but that was only once.  No biggie; we’re in the clear.

Fast forward to Kinder Camp (a day long orientation for the newbies).  He’s restless during the assembly.  There was a portion during the day when the children had to go to their new class and the parents had to stay back to listen to more speeches. 

And alas, the demon-child has returned. 

The first half of his kindergarten life was an emotional roller-coaster.  I will admit that I was flabbergasted at his behavior because he did so great in pre-school.  I would get calls saying that security had to chase him down and hold him down because he was kicking, screaming, biting, etc.  I felt like he was a completely different child.  We had a meeting that consisted of his teacher (who I think is the best teacher ever), counselors, and other staff members.  They went on about his behavior, asked about his upbringing, and how we can work as a team to help him.  They put him on a 504 Plan and recommended the SEBD (Support for Emotional & Behavioral Development) program.  In the following weeks, DHS (Dept. of Human Services) and the school did their evaluations and there were more meetings. 

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks.  The previously said portals have been opened and this time there was no keeping them closed.  Insert another emotional roller-coaster ride.  This time I was focusing on myself; how I really was a horrible mother.  Why did I blind myself from this?  Why couldn’t I be more consistent with consequences?  Why did I let judgements of others and myself get in the way of seeing what was really happening?  Why?  Why was I so worried what other people would think?  Why did I focus on assuming that others were thinking that he’s just a little brat?  How the hell does a child become like this? 

I fell into a slump. And then I became angry and used the past to point the blame for all this nonsense.  The past, as in we lived in the boondocks and had no social life; we lived next to a crazy person and was afraid to go outside.  If the Husband had just listened, we wouldn’t be in this mess so therefore this is all his fault.

I was assigned a case worker and a therapist.  I was still full of anger and still beating myself up.  The first day I met with the therapist she told me what he was diagnosed with…ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder), PTSD, and ADHD.  I did an eye-roll so huge that I thought my eyeballs were going to pop out of my sockets.  I had so many emotions that I couldn’t keep up with.  I turned to anger and snapped at her how it seems as though doctors nowadays are so quick to diagnose children with ADHD.  But deep down I was ashamed because I felt as though I did this to him.  I created this chaos because I couldn’t handle the screaming and always gave in.  And then came the tears. 

The school completed their evaluations.  Everything was the same, as I expected, except for “he shows A-word like behavior.”  So because he prances on his tip toes and smells his food, that equals to the A-word?  And although the school cannot diagnose anybody, they still said it.  I will be honest and say that I was angry and confused because I, in that moment, became judgmental and ignorant.  I based my feelings and opinions on what I heard from others what the A-word was and I’ve been avoiding this word since he was 3 years old.  The truth was that I had no idea.  I had no idea how big the spectrum is.

This was unchartered territory. 

We were referred to LD & ADHD Center of HI which consisted of a 2-day testing.  I received his 28-page test results, which by the way will make anyone go crazy, and I was still confused.  For the life of me, I couldn’t see it.  I mean, of course he’s not going to be outgoing because he doesn’t know you.  After I got over my confusion I decided that the bottom line was to take the resources offered to help him.  Teaching myself to broaden my horizon so I can help him without losing my shit.  Don’t get me wrong, I lose my shit daily but knowing how to react makes some days easier than others.  I had another school meeting where we created his IEP (Individualized Education Program).

It took a while but I’m no longer focusing on what he’s diagnosed with, but rather how I’ll help him to navigate the world and be the best version of himself.  That’s what’s important.  You know that saying “don’t judge someone until you’ve walked in their shoes?”  I really take that to heart because if you haven’t then you don’t really know. 

I get the “oh, if my kids ever acted like that, they’d get slaps!” or “he just needs a good spanking!”  After all this, I feel like there’s a fine line between ‘not able to connect the dots fast enough acting out’ and just being a little shit because you feel like it (this was me when I was his age!).  The line is so fine that it becomes grouped into one and I feel that’s where the ignorance starts.  I’m not here to start a debate.  All I’m saying is that after going through all of this, this is how I view it.  I’m no expert but my eyes are wide open. 

He’s academically smart but can’t grasp and change gears as quickly as his peers when it comes to his emotions or social situations.  He can talk your ear off but only if he feels safe around you.  He’s a great artist that uses his drawings to communicate his feelings when he has difficulty using his words.  He’s unique in his own way but seems odd to people who don’t know him.  He is who he is and I’m doing what’s best for him to help him be his best, without expectations. 

He is making progress for sure but every day is different.  One day, I see the light beaming so brightly it’s blinding; the next day that same light is a faint glow.  The same goes for me - some days I hold it together and other days I lose my shit and every other word out of my mouth starts with F.  I’m now aware that “winging it” won’t work.  It takes pre-teaching, reminding, making sure I have back-ups, making sure to stay as close to the routine as possible.  It’s exhausting but I’m taking it one day at a time.

This is my our life, re-arranged.

Jenn

Coffee Date : I'm Still Alive

Good morning, Lovelies!  I’m linking up with Alissa over at Rags to Stitches for Coffee Date Friday.  Wanna join me?

If we were having coffee, you would probably tell me “it’s about darn time!” to which I’d reply “I know, right?!”  Shoot, life’s been chaos busy.  I seriously forgot what life was like with a baby; they gotta eat, they cry, they gotta be carried and cuddled and loved.  It’s been non-stop from one Radical to the next and sometimes I feel like I’m hanging on by a thread.  I’ve been in my own world trying to survive life with 3 Radicals and man oh man; time totally flew by like it’s nobody’s business.  Can you believe we’re 2 days away from July?  Holy cow!

If we were having coffee, I’d tell that I have so much to tell you.  Haha!  I guess I would start with how we had to postpone our move (with tears in my eyes).  Moving cost money and it never fails that when we’re almost there…something happens that involves spending money.  The truck broke, the boat broke, a family reunion, and the list goes on.

Are y’all wondering why the heck do we have a boat when we’re trying to save money?  In my dysfunctional brain, a boat = leisure time.  Well, if we were having coffee I’d tell you that the boat is our income.  And the source of my irritation.  I’m just kidding.  Or maybe not.  Anyway, now that the boat (and truck) is up and running, the overnight trips have returned.  It’s bittersweet.  Great on the making/saving money; not so great when the Mister is gone for days.  Hmph.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that Radical #1 starts Kindergarten this year.  I was doing great emotionally until I went to get his application.  My anxiety returned with a vengeance as soon as I walked out of the office.  I was having hot flashes and all.  And I’m now finding every excuse not complete it. 

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I’m so excited to go home for the 4^th of July.  I cannot wait.  I haven’t seen my parents since Mother’s Day.  That’s a long time.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that Radical #3 will be 6 months in 4 days.  6 months?  I’d tell you that I feel guilty for not doing his monthly updates.  I’d tell you that because I don’t want to blog your eyeballs off, I’m hoping to get his 1-5 month highlights post up tomorrow.  Keyword: hoping.  Haha!

If we were having coffee, I’d ask you how the heck you’ve been.  What have you been up to?  How’s life?

Jenn.

The post where I'm completely honest...

Hello good peeps!  How have you been?  I had every intention of stepping up my bloggy game but again, I fell off the wagon.  Life, I tell ya….it’s just crazy and I feel like I’m being tested to my limit.  My buttons are being pushed and my morals are really, really being tested.  But it’s weird because in the midst of all the craziness, I can feel a sense of peace somewhere deep down and all will be well…in time.  Although my patience is very thin, I’m still holding on.  I continue to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I’ve been hesitant on sharing my thoughts for fear that it would ruffle feathers but I realize now that that’s my problem.  I sugar coat things just to keep the peace and avoid confrontation.  I put myself in this chaos and I let it eat at me because I want to keep everyone else happy.  But there's also another part of me that doesn't often make an appearance.  You know that saying if you think you know me, you better think again?  Yeah?   Well enough is enough because I’m currently at that point and for those who really know me will know that if you push me to that point, I will tell you where to go and how to get there.    I’ve had it and I ain’t holding back.

A lot of crap has been going on.  Sorry for being so blunt but that is what it is…crap.  But I’m thankful for all of this crap because good things are coming out of it.  I’ve talked about wanting to move back to Kona many of times to the point where I roll my own eyes when the subject is brought up.  Anyway…

For the past couple of months, I’ve been noticing the toll that our current living situation is taking on my family, especially the Radicals.  Sometimes I feel like a failure because I’m not giving them everything I wish to give them.  I’m not talking about material things.  I’m talking about things like joy and happiness, allowing them to grow up alongside their cousins, friends, aunties and uncles, and grandparents.  I want to give them a head start and pave a path for them as they grow.  I want to be a great influence on them and I just want to give them a happy childhood full of happy memories but also with life lessons.  And it just seems like if I can’t get my own shit together, how am I supposed to give them anything.  I have goals and dreams for them and to be completely honest, I can’t give them anything if we continue to live here.  I feel like I’m stuck and I’m living someone else’s life.  I feel like I can’t move forward with my own family because the Mister’s mom isn’t ready to come home.  My goals and dreams for my family aren’t aligning with the obligations we have to this house.  I’ve tried telling the Mister’s mom that we have plans to move in the near future and she flat out told me “no.”  I’m going to be honest; that did not sit well with me.  I wasn’t asking; I was giving the heads up.  Nobody tells me what I can and cannot do with my life and my children’s lives.  I am their mother and I know what’s best for them.

The crazy neighbors are not helping my mood and thoughts.  It will never end with them because they refuse to let it end.  That came out of their mouths, by the way.  The funny thing is that the issue isn’t really with us.  The issue is with the Mister’s mom and we just happen to be taking the beating for it.  They don’t make any sense and they continue to cause issues.  We went to court yesterday but they are fighting the TRO and they were very adamant on not wanting contact with us.  That’s another funny thing because they are the ones who make contact so…I don’t get it.  And then he said something about pursuing a lawsuit and his constitutional rights.  Am I the only one who can clearly see that these people are out of their minds?  What does he want?  They want to be the only ones who are able to make trouble and we just have to take it?  Again, I don’t get it.  We go back for a hearing at the end of November but I came to the conclusion that no matter what, this will never end.  There’s nothing we can do to make them stop and we just have to roll with the punches for now.  I’ve turned into a paranoid whacko person.  I’m not putting anything past him.  It’s to the point where I sleep with one eye open, I’m afraid to take the Radicals outside to play, and I’m just paranoid that he’ll do something at any given moment like burn my house down or something.  To the point where the Mister and I have the “they can’t burn our house down if we burn theirs down first!” conversation.  Seriously?  That is so not us and we’re turning into crazy people just like them.  This is what I mean by my morals being tested.  This can’t be healthy.  I’m surprised I didn’t go into labor yet with all this darn stress.

So, the Mister and I had a heart-to-heart and we’ve decided to move back to Kona.  It’s what’s best for the Radicals and for the Mister and me too.  But until then, we’ll keep rolling with the punches and do what we need to do.

And now that I got that off of my chest, hopefully I’ll be back more often.  I’ve been slacking with what’s been going on with us (other than the above) and my bumpdates.  Can you believe I’m in my third trimester?  Holy cow!  Yeah, that’s what I’ve been feeling like.  And can you believe that we’re almost in November?  Oy.

Jenn.

Join me for coffee?

Hello, hello lovelies!  It’s been a while huh?  I took a small break from Blogland and I have to say that I totally miss y’all.  I’m hopping on Alissa’s Coffee Date linky-wagon today so anyone wanna join me for coffee?  I have to warn you though, we have a lot to catch up on so this date may take a few hours…just kidding.  Or not.

If we were having coffee today, I’d tell you how much I miss Blogland!  It’s been over a month since I’ve logged into Blogger and I have a million posts in my feed waiting for my attention. 

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that saying I’ve been MIA all the time is getting old so I’ll just say that I was feeling disconnected.  I’d tell you that I’ve been trying to settle my inner demons and it’s been quite the battle.  Besides posting about my life and our crazy shenanigans, I’ve had a lot of things going on that is hard to put into words.  When life throws us lemons, make some lemonade.  I get it.  I strive to be positive on my blog but during this lemon season, I was buried under the pile and far from positive.

If we were having coffee, I’d ask you if you remember how I said I’m not as strong in my faith as I’d like to be.  I hear/see all the time to give my worries and issues to Him.  Well, one night while under the lemon pile, I told God (out loud) that I don’t understand how to do that.  I asked Him what he means by that.  I also asked why he would help me or show me the way when I only come to Him when I’m surrounded by chaos.  I’ve been so selfish and I probably don’t deserve His help but all I’m asking is to vent.  I told Him that I could see myself taking actions that are out of my norm and I didn’t like where it was headed.  Those actions, as great as they sounded in my head, just wasn’t me and if I took those actions, who would suffer the consequences?  The Radicals.  And even though the Radicals and I are “suffering” right now, there has to be another way to overcome this.  And then, I saw it.  A post from another blogger.  It was a reminder of who I am.  I took it as a sign from Him and even though He can’t snap his fingers and make the chaos disappear; He can guide me and show me the way.  He is awesome.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that my very first nephew made his grand entrance on Wednesday!!!  I’m happy and sad at the same time because we can’t be there.  The Mister is working and I don’t feel comfortable dragging the Radicals on a 5 hour road trip.  ‘Tis true, we could stay with my parents but since my brother, the SIL, and the brand new baby lives with them, I didn’t think it was a good idea.  Loud-germy-Radicals+a brand new baby and mama=a big fat no.  Anyhoo, I’ll post some pictures as soon as I get some.  I can’t wait to get in some snuggles!

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that my crazy neighbor is at it again.  Him and his crazy shenanigans….I’m not going to go into all the details but I will say that it involves the Radicals and CWS aka CPS aka the people that parents never want to encounter.  This time he went way, way, WAY too far and now he’s playing with fire.  When will this nonsense end?

If we were having coffee, I’d ask about you.  How are you?  What’s going on in your life?  

 Jenn.

Hello Monday :: Changes

Happy Monday, friends!  I know the day is almost over but I’ve been running errands and I did an ultrasound today to see what I’m cooking in this belly of mine.  Stay tuned tomorrow to find out!  Also, I have been MIA once again due to dealing with mixed emotions life has thrown at me over the last couple of weeks.  If you haven’t noticed, I don’t do well with change.  I’m working on it though.  

In my last post I mentioned that Radical #1 would be starting pre-school.  He walked in like a champ, I walked away feeling numb, and Radical #2 was traumatized.   Although I really, really, REALLY wanted to homeschool, the Mister wasn’t having it so I gave into letting go…to putting on my big girl undies and embracing change.

And since its Monday, I’m linking up with LisaLeonard and sharing what I’m saying hello to this week!  There’s just something about Monday.  I feel refreshed.  A day to kick off an awesome week!

Hello to a new schedule and routine.

Hello to Radical #2 and mommy one-on-one time and new adventures!

Hello to growing up and riding his bike without training wheels.

Hello growing belly.

Hello to a new week of homework.

Hello to cramming in tons of work this week.

Hello to all things “Noah’s Ark” for my brother and SIL’s baby shower!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/blackleafdesign

blog.pinkcakebox.com

Hello to organization projects.

Hello to treasures found under the house.

Hello to (and embracing!) more overnight fishing trips.

Hello to embracing change.

Hello to an awesome week!

So tell me, what are you saying hello to this week?

Jenn.

Life Happenings

Good day, Lovelies!  Does anyone get thrown off if your plan doesn’t go as planned?  Even the slightest change?  No?  It’s just me then?  I annoy myself when that happens to me and I’m really trying to fix it.  Really.  Anyway, my thoughts are all over the creation so today I’m giving you a peek of what’s inside this chaos brain of mine.  It’s not as scary as you think though.

Is it horrible that my 4 and 2 year old has taken over my computer?  Sheesh, I can’t even get on it for a second without these little monkeys getting bent out of shape.  I'm hoping I can get this post done before the monkeys return.  Note to self: strap your balls on and stop this nonsense pronto.  Damn you Discovery Channel.  

Class has been killing me!  I feel like I’m doing nothing but writing.  I hate writing.  This is exactly why I chose accounting; for the numbers! I function better with numbers.  Do accountants write essays?  Man, I hope this is over soon.  I don’t know how much more I can take before I go crazy and start writing nonsense.

Lately, I haven’t been satisfied.  In the food department.  Get your heads out of the gutter.  Oh wait, was that just my head in the gutter?  Haha!  Anyway, I’ve been hungry and nothing seems to satisfy me.  So, I made beef stew and chicken long rice and oh my gosh!  I could eat that for the rest of my life.  My tummy has been doing the happy dance which will unfortunately stop because my family will not be happy campers if we had that every.single.day.  So, if y’all have any ideas as to what I should eat to feel satisfied, I’ll love you forever.  I don’t like going to bed hungry even after eating said beef stew and chicken long rice, and caramel drumsticks, salami, cheese, and Triscuits, and pizza.

The Mister has been pulling a lot of overnighters lately.  Ugh.  Jobs have been slow so he’s been fishing.  Although it helps keep us financially afloat I still cringe at the fact that he’s out on the ocean.  At night.  Ugh again.  And to make my worrying worse, he hasn’t called yet.  Do you know the things that go through my mind when he doesn’t check in?  Let’s just say that he’s provoking a beat down if he doesn’t call soon.

Radical #1 starts preschool next Friday.  Although I was really, really, REALLY wanting to home-school, the Mister wasn’t having any part of it.  And so, I’m sucking it up and trying to stay positive.  I can’t promise anything though.  I’ll probably be the one kicking and screaming come the first day.  Ha!  Imagine that.  Pray for me please.

Why didn’t anyone tell me about Lilikoi Iced Tea?  Oh Lordy.  Would I get weird looks for wiping out the whole shelf at the grocery?  It is so yummy especially when I put it in the freezer and it turns into slush.  Just heavenly I tell you.

I’ve been slacking on my “bumpdates.”  Nothing has changed.  Oh, except that I got my energy back.  Wa-to the-hoo!  Oh, and I gained a pound.  I have an ultrasound next Wednesday but the nurse lady told me not to get my hopes up for seeing if baby has a pecker or va-jayjay.  Oh man.  If anything I’m still praying that he or she will show the goods.  This is the only time I’m encouraging you to spread your legs!  I came super close to taking a picture of myself for the bumpdates.  I was all ready and pumped but the Mister took my camera that morning.  Thank God for camera snatchers!  Haha!  I promise you that I will do it one day.

I’m re-visiting the overnight fishing trips.  I just got a call from the Mister and this is exactly why I worry.  He called to tell me that he’s down at the boat shop because one of his motors broke while coming in and he almost ended up on the rocks.  This is what I mean!  What if it broke when he was far out?  Would the one working motor get him to land?  Or will it get him half way and then break down of exhaustion and then he’d have to putt-putt in?  Good grief!  And I guess this guy knows me because before I could say anything, he quickly said “k-Igottagobye!”  Click.  Don’t think you’re getting off that easy; you have an earful waiting for when you get home buddy.  I hate overnight fishing trips.  There, I said it.

Other than that, this is all I got.  I’m still working on the nudity post.  You know when it sounds good in your head but it’s totally different in writing?  Yeah.  Anyway, I hope you have a great Tuesday!  I’m off to finish up some homework.

Peace out!

Jenn.

Blame it on the hormones!

Happy Monday and holy August!  When did that happen?  It makes me excited and nervous at the same time.  

I totally realize that the last time I posted was 2 weeks ago but I’ve been hiding under a rock.  Trust me when I say it was better for EVERYONE that I stay under said rock until I returned to acting like a normal human being. 

I spared the Radicals my “ucky” behavior but everyone else that came into contact with me?  Oy.  But luckily I was shown some mercy since I’m growing a human and my emotions are were whacked!   

For real.  

I was sensitive, emotional, bitter, snappy, irrational.  You get the point.  I sometimes found myself talking to myself saying “GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF, JENN!!!”  People annoyed me for reasons that did not exist.  Yeah, and the poor Mister.  I don’t know what else to say except “I’m sorry.”  

In the beginning he said I was a raging lunatic but he took it with a grain of salt; maybe because he knew this ridiculousness would end sooner than later.  I was horrible.  Stupid things that I would normally shrug off irritated the craziness out of me.  

I invented new meanings of questions he’d normally ask me.  Like “Hi hun, what did you guys do today?” translated to a sarcastic “did you do anything else besides sit around today?”  

Or here’s another one: the laundry and I have had issues and instead of folding and putting them away, I’d just pile it on the couch.  It was the norm for the Mister to head for the couch instead of the closet.   Anyway, I found the energy to fold and put away the whole pile and so far the couch has been free of laundry.  So one day during my “ucky” behavior he asked “Do I have any clean clothes?” which of course I took the wrong way and mumbled under my breath “What am I, your maid?  Do your own effing laundry then!”  

Yes, I hang my head in shame.  Poor guy, I don’t blame him for asking that because he got into the habit of going to the couch and when the couch is laundry-free, what else is he supposed to think?!  

We went to Outback one night and I really wanted Coconut Shrimp.  My brother ate the last one.  I was pissed.  I said “Where’s my shrimp?!” to which my mother quickly replied “I ordered another one!”  Sheesh, calm down Jenn, it’s just shrimp.  Nothing to get your panties in a bunch over.  

So yes, I’ve been horrible which is why I’ve been MIA.  But don’t fret, I’m back to normal and I’m hoping I stay this way for the rest of my pregnancy.  I will be back because I really do have so much to tell you.  Here’s hints of what’s to come: toilets, targets, nudity, the one time I thought the Mister was going to kill me, and bumpdates.  

But until then, I hope you all have a wonderful Monday!  And because these little stinkers put a smile on my face, I’ll leave you with this silly picture.

Jenn.

Life happenings

We took our family photos on Saturday.  The last time we did a family photo was never so I was excited.  Photos done by Miss Connie at Island Buzzy.  I didn’t want the “studio look”; I wanted her to get us in action, how we the Radicals really are, and just us in everyday life.  I wanted our pictures to show the real us.  It was pouring cats and dogs but we didn’t let that stop us.  And speaking of real, this is how the weather is most of the time.  Radical #2 wanted nothing to do with the photo shoot so that’s him in true form: sassy and on his own schedule and with his binky.  I like them and I like how they portray us our chaos.  And I’m just stoked that we finally have a family photo.  The Mister and I haven’t had a picture together in 4 years too so I’m happy she got some of us.  So thank you, thank you, thank you to Miss Connie.  And thanks for being a trooper in the rain!  I miss your face and our talks.  Hopefully we can change that in the near future.

Radical #2 rather play with the water fountain

Connie: Okay now, act like you love each other…

Radical #2 still on his own schedule

I don’t want to, dad!

Trying to convince him that taking pictures are fun

Radical #1 was a trooper

I took a blogging break for a week.  Life has been busy.  The Radicals, work, school, keeping up with the house…the usual.  Other life changing things have been happening and I’ll be sure to give you an update on that later.  Promise.

Potty training is in full swing with Radical #2.  It came out of nowhere and it’s to the point where he insists on going to the toilet when we’re out in public.  Oy.  But hooray!  Diapers will be non-existent.  For now….

The Radicals’ room is slowly coming together.  I actually let them sleep in there so see, I’m learning to let go.

And lastly, WE’RE GOING ON VACATION on Wednesday!  The kind of vacation where you fly on a plane to get to your destination.  I am so excited!  It’s been 4 years since we’ve been on a vacation.  Even though we’re just going to O’ahu, I’m still happy to get off of this rock.  I cannot wait to take the Radicals to the zoo.  Sometimes I think I’m more excited than they are.  I also cannot wait to see family.  It’s been a while.  We’re staying for 5 days so I’ll be taking another blogging break.  I’ll be sure to do a re-cap of all the adventures when I get back.    

Today I’ll be wrapping up my work, cleaning house, completing the ginormic pile of laundry, and packing.  Happy Monday and I hope your day is great!

Jenn.

The Best Present Ever!

Has anyone talked to a tree before?  Talked, prayed, or begged to a tree?  No?  I have.  But before you go thinking that I’m some kind of lunatic, hear me out.  

Before Lychee season started I talked, prayed, and finally begged our tree to please give us some fruit this year.  I’ve lived here for 7 years and our tree gave fruit only once.

So the season came and I got nothing, nada, zilch….sad, sad face.  I thought that maybe the grocery would have some.  Nope.  Then I thought that I would go to the farmer’s market.  They would definitely have some.  But I never made it there.

Everywhere I drove, I would see trees with uka-piles of fruit on them.  There are trees everywhere I turn and I have to say I was jealous.  Every time we drove somewhere Lychee would be the topic of the whole drive.  

I would constantly tell the Mister that my mouth was watering just by looking at them.  I just had to satisfy my craving for this juicy yummy-ness.  I saw a tree that was low enough for me to pick some.  I wanted so badly for him to pull over just so I could pick one or maybe two or maybe a handful.  But that didn’t happen.  

Thoughts of being a night ninja crossed my mind.  Dress in all black and when night fell I would steal from the Lychee rich to give to the Lychee poor.  Hey, it could happen!  

I finally came to terms that I wouldn’t be consuming the juicy yummy-ness this year and I’ll just have to wait until next year.  Hmph.  

Anyhoo, last week the Mister came home from work and said he had a surprise for me.  And since he doesn’t listen to me 90% of the time, I was thinking it was a bottle of wine, pizza, or a canned Mt. Dew…you know, the usual.  

But alas, the Mister really does listen to me!  The surprise was a bag of Lychee.  Oh thank, thank you, THANK YOU!!!  I was in heaven.  And I was like a little kid..."it's mine, it's MINE and I'm not sharing!"  

I’m trying my hardest to conserve the goods but it’s oh so good.  Is it horrible of me to not share the goodness with the Radicals?  Haha, I eat them in hiding so they don’t see me.  I always share my food with them but this?  Sorry guys.  In this case, “sharing is caring” does not apply.  This is for me and only me.  Horrible right?  Okay, now I feel bad so maybe I’ll give them one each.  Just one.  

I hope everyone is having a great day!  

Jenn.

How?

Happy Friday to you, friends!  Before you all roll your eyes at me because I said I was going to post my project and didn’t, know this: the reality of that project hit me and I’m not too thrilled with it anymore.  But I will post it later, nonetheless. 

And, I’ve been an emotional wreck all week.  I have the rash to prove it. 

I have been given the opportunity of a life time.  For me, an opportunity where there is no second chances.  It’s either I do it now or forever hold my peace. 

I was invited to participate in next year’s Merrie Monarch…the Olympics of Hula.  Haha, I read that somewhere but I don’t remember where.  This is big.  I haven’t danced in over 10 years and my Kumu called to say that he’s holding a spot for me if I want it.  What the what?  Heck yes I want it! 

What’s the catch?  Kumu is in Kona.  2.5 hours away. 



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If I didn’t have children, I’d make this decision in a heartbeat but since I do have children, it ain’t so easy.  So now the question becomes how am I going to do this. 

I spent all week going back and forth with the Mister trying to come up with some kind of plan to make this work.  But all plans involve separating my family for a year.  Am I willing to make that sacrifice?  I have mixed emotions. 

Doing this will involve the Radicals and I living in Kona for one half of the week and coming back to Hilo for the other half.  That’s a lot of driving every week for a whole year.  That’s a lot of time spent away from the Mister.  That kind of jacks up my rotation.  I have school and work to think about.  I have my Radicals to think about.  I told the Mister that I’m going to need his support, mentally and emotionally, if I do this because being separated (and all the darn driving!) is eventually going to take its toll.  I don’t want to be half way through this and all of a sudden one of us can’t handle it.  This is a big commitment. 

Another question is how is this going to affect the Radicals?  Will they be okay with their routine being messed up?  Will they be okay away from the Mister for half the week?  Will all the driving make them crazy?  With Radical #1 starting pre-school this year, how am I going to do this?  The Mister suggested that he stay here while me and Radical #2 go to Kona.  Yeah…no.  The Radicals are always together.  How will being apart affect them?  How will it affect me?  I always have both the Radicals with me and I’ve never spent a night away from them. 

I asked if we could move to Kona for a year.  He knows we can trade places; I can work and he can be a SAHD but then there’s this house.  What do we do about this house?  Sometimes (like now) the obligation we have to this house is overwhelming. 

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In the end, I’m asking myself would this be worth it.  Am I okay with turning my family’s world upside down for an opportunity that only benefits me?  Am I going to regret not doing it and am I going to sing the shoulda-coulda-woulda-but didn’t song? 

Gosh darn, lots to think about.  Decisions…decisions…being a grownup is hard. 

Anyone have any advice, thoughts, or suggestions.  Anything?

Have a great weekend!

Jenn.