The one time where I wanted to kick myself…

…for asking such an asinine question.  It was in fact a foot-in-my-mouth moment but there was no turning back.  And maybe if my body wasn’t so complicated I would have never been in that situation asking such a question.

My body is so not portioned correctly that I have the hardest time finding clothes.  Everything from tops to dresses to pants. And the hardest article of clothing?  Shorts.  I can’t find a decent pair of shorts to save my life.  Well maybe if I looked hard and long enough but I don’t have the patience for that.  Anyway, I’m 4’11.5”.  My thighs are like thunder thighs which I’ll blame on my hula and cheerleading days of the past.  My rear is as big as a….I don’t know what to compare it to but it’s huge.  Then there are my hips that seem to have widened after I had my radicals.

So I come across shorts that fit my hips, rear, and thighs but they are too long.  Like right above my knee too long but not to where I can pull it off to where it’s supposed to look that way.  Then I come across shorts that are a perfect length and they fit my hips but the rear and thigh part is way too tight.  Like if I sit down they will rip too tight (ha-ha!).  Then I come across the ones that fit all around but they are way too short.  Or maybe I feel like they’re too short and doesn’t feel right because my thighs are so darn huge!

Okay, back to my story…the mister decided that it was time for me to give up the 2 pairs of shorts that I’ve had for years and get some new ones.  New ones without holes.  New ones that I could wash and not worry that they’ll fall apart in the wash.  New ones that I could wear in public.  I had to mentally prepare myself before going because I really do hate shopping (gasp!).  Yes, I hate shopping for myself but it could be because I can never find anything. 

I decided to go to Jeans Warehouse (ugh!).  I haven’t been in there since my younger, partying days and I cringed when I walked in.  It’s just that after having 2 kids my body isn’t the same.  I haven’t lost all my baby weight and everything seems so saggy.  And their clothes are just not my style anymore but what the heck, I’m there for shorts.  I go through all the racks of shorts and that’s what they were: short.  I mean rear and va-jayjay hanging out kind of short.  Yikes!  I grab a couple in hopes that it wouldn’t be as short as it looks on the hanger but before trying them on I did the unthinkable.  I asked the sales girl…

“Um excuse me?  Do y’all have shorts that aren’t crotch-eaters?”

I almost died after hearing myself.  Geez Jenn, couldn’t you have asked a more civilized question?  She just looked at me with a baffled look and said “well, we have shorts all along that wall and…” but before she could go on I said “never mind, can I try these on?”

Good Lord I felt like an ass.  But I found two that fit!  They’re shorter than I would prefer but they’re not really “crotch-eaters” and I can live with that. 

3 more days until Christmas!!  I’m still waiting for one more gift to come in.  FedEx came by yesterday and I was jumping for joy thinking it was my package.  But it wasn’t and I wanted to punch him in the face.  Just kidding.  I’d never do that but I was a little sad.  Oh well, maybe today or tomorrow. 

That is all.

Happy Thursday lovelies! 

Rantings and a Recipe

via

Rantings…Well maybe it’s just a ranting.

Out of all the parking stalls in the darn parking lot, why do you need mine when there are empty stalls less than 2 feet away?  That, my friends, is what I was yelling venting loudly and hand-signaling to the lady waiting for my stall yesterday.  I just finished loading up one radical and still needed to load the other and on top of that I still had to load up my groceries.  My groceries, which were at the front of the car because there was no way I could get it to the back without hitting the cars next to me.  And since the radicals were already in the car I wasn’t about to leave them there alone to walk all the way around just to get the cart to the back of the car.

Back to the waiting lady…if you’re going to wait for a stall, try doing it in a manner that will let others get by.  Am I right?  Because god knows that I get irate when I’m in the back of a waiting person who is in the middle of the road!  So, I didn’t think much of it and went about my business as quickly as I could.  But let me remind you that I have to walk back and forth to get and load my groceries…so it took longer than normal. 

Anyway, as I glance at the waiting lady I notice that she is blocking traffic from all angles.  {Just a side note: this parking lot is the weirdest parking lot ever.  Once you’re blocked, you’re really blocked in.  You can’t go anywhere until someone MOVES!}  And as soon as I hear blaring horns I start to panic.  I start flying my groceries in not thinking that I may be breaking the eggs or smashing the bread or a jar breaking open and leaking everywhere.  I just wanted to get out of there so the traffic would start moving.  So I finish loading flying my groceries, jump in the car, and move to another stall… that is less than 2 feet away. 

Y’all must think I’m crazy but I felt bad for all the people who were blocked in because of this lady.   Anyway, I park and jump out to fix my groceries while cursing and still doing my crazy hand-signaling.  I must have looked crazy.  As I’m doing that the car that was behind her drives past me and I tell and hand-signal to him “look at all these empty stalls!  Is she serious?” and he just laughs and shakes his head.  Great buddy, I’m glad you can laugh about it now because if I’m not mistaken, you were the one blasting your horn.

Okay, thanks for letting me get that out.  I really was flabbergasted!  I posted about the apple crisp I made for Thanksgiving dinner earlier this week.  Here’s the recipe:

Apple Crisp via The BBM

Topping

2 Cup sifted all-purpose flour

1 Cup Raw rolled oats

2 Cups light-brown sugar, firmly packed

1 cup butter (i used margarine)

Apple Filling

4 Cups cut apples, in 1/2 inch pieces (I used 8 apples)

3/4 Cup granulated sugar

1/4 Cup unsifted all-purpose flour

1/2 Teaspoon cinnamon

Peel and Chip your apples

Pre-Heat Oven to 375 degrees.

Make topping: In large bowl, combine flour, oats, and brown sugar, mixing well.

With a fork, stir in butter to make a crumbly mixture.

Make Apple Filling: In lightly greased pan 7 x 11 inch baking dish, combine apples, granulated sugar, flour, cinnamon, and 1/2 cup water; stir to mix well.

Sprinkle topping evenly over filling;

Bake, uncovered, 35 minutes, or until topping is golden-brown and the apples are tender.

Serve warm, with vanilla ice cream or whip cream if you want!

There you go, easy as pie.  I took a picture with my phone and found a way to get it on my computer but Blogger is giving me an error message (boo!).  You can go make it now and after indulging in a piece or two or maybe the whole pan (haha), you can come back and thank me.  No wait, you can thank Natalie – The Busy Budgeting Mama.  Thanks, Natalie!!  And while you’re there, stay a bit because she has the cutest family, awesome diy posts, more recipes, and much much more.  Go, go now and show some love.  Oh, and she also has an Etsy shop, Pretty Paperie Printables….awesomeness.

Happy Friday, Sweets!

jenn